“To be counted among the living.” This is a desire that I have had since I was young. In high school, I received a deep compliment when a friend told me that they perceived me to be alive instead of just living. This has been a frustrating concept and life pursuit for me. I feel crushed by life at some points, time, debt, guilt, duty, self-denial. I lie to myself thinking it is circumstantial and I will feel closer to my goal when my situation changes. The fact is that it is here and now that I have an ever-present chance to DO and live.
I have been numbing more lately, and I need to knock it off. I use the excuse that I just want to cuddle and relax. There is a time for that, and I love just being with you, but for our future and our goals, I must continue to strive in your presence. Yes, us living in two different places for a while will force us to face that time, that pain, that choice of just living or being alive.
The goal for me is to strengthen my resolve and create foundational habits to carry us into a glorious future. We can handle this coming time. You are right. We must choose to be better and grow. All things are temporary, and this gives us the freedom to leave the past, gone, never to return. The choice is not yesterday. We didn’t make it thirty years ago. The choice is now.
I choose you, always! I choose our future. I choose to strive for improvement.
Love Letters 